for better or worse
I have been told that the first year of marriage is the hardest.
Our first year of marriage was a breeze. So was our second year and our third. Our fourth year was great, too. Heading into our fifth is where we are heading into issues. Nothing that cannot be worked out mind you. We just are short with one another. Quick to snap. We get angry easily. The only thing that is different in our lives is J. I am not saying that J is the issue, just raising her has been more hectic and harder than we ever anticipated. Combine that with lack of sleep and you get two short fused parents. We never snap or get angry with her - you can't! Sometimes I wonder if we rushed into things. If we were too young. 27 doesn't seem too young to me, but maybe it was. Is.
Whatever the case, we are in it for the long haul. The anger and frustration is easily healed with an "I'm Sorry" and a kiss or three. For better or worse. Till death do us part. And we're serious about making this work.
my daughter the can opener
J broke a tooth through last week and slowly, but surely it is growing in. All I feel, though, when she lets me jab around in her mouth is a sharp little point.
I envision an electric can opener everytime.
i messed up again
We were out partying with friends on Saturday night. Tacos, High life and pay per view ultimate fighting. What more could a gal want? J was with us a fell asleep in the pack & play in E's room. Went to bed at 8:30 and slept through all the commotion, yelling and partying.
We woke her up to go around midnight. I, stupidly, decide to feed her cereal and yogurt at 12:15 AM when we got home. She did not eat much of a dinner.
All be damned if she did not wake up at midnight last night (or this morning) for yogurt. Ugh. I could kick my own ass for doing this.
Lets hope this is short lived. Rather than hope, lets pray.
mommy fears
Fear. I have pinpointed that this is haunting me in my dreams at night. It disrupts my sleep (the little sleep I
do get) and makes me toss & turn at night. I dreamt of calling the doctor to bring her in for a weight check. It is on my mind that much.
My fear is that J is not going to grow like she should. That her lack of drinking milk - mommy's or formula - is going to harm her in some way. I fear what the doctor will say come December 1. I just have this fear that lies deep in my gut and in my mind. But my heart, that is a different story. My heart tells me that there is nothing wrong - physically - with my little girl. Nothing. She is hitting all her milestones, she is happy, she is great. The only thing is her weight. Who knew an 8 month old could have a weight issue? Funny thing actually. Mommy has always had a weight issue, but it has been the opposite. Maybe there is a peteite diva inside me wanting out.
I am also tired of the comments.
"She is so small."
"Was she a premie?"
"What was her birth weight?"
I know I should let it roll off my back. I know that comments should not matter. But it hurts. I feel that they are judging me in some way. I feel that I am to blame. I know it is dumb, but I feel that there might be something wrong with me. With my milk. Maybe there is. The LCs at my hospital don't test milk. I asked.
I am tired of waiting. I am tired of worrying. I just want her to be healthy. And happy. We have the second part down. All we need is to figure out the first part.
j's first (play) date
J had her first date on Tuesday (yes, I know I am late in posting this). It was fun for me, but not so much for her. I don't think she is ready for the dating scene quite yet.
E, her play date, is 11 months old, 25+ pounds and walking. He is hell on wheels. A tank. Definately all boy. J weighs in at 13 pounds, scoots around fine and is all things dainty and pink. A match made in heaven? Ummm...no.
J had toys ripped out of her hands by E. But he was nice and gave her different toys to play with, like, "here, play with toy B, I want toy A." J was having nothing of it. She would whine and flap her hands and get really pissed off. I tried to introduce sharing and playing together. The mobile E just took the toy and went to the opposite side of the room. Smart cookie.
E also ripped J's nukie out of her mouth. I and mom L let it happen. Kids have to learn consequences, right? Well when J's nukie is ripped out of her mouth, E found out that J screams. And screams. And turns red. And screams some more.
Then came treat time. And tears. Actual tears. Alligator tears. And the pouty lip. I love pouty lip.
J doesn't take one treat out of the bowl. She takes her hand and swishes them around in the bowl. I took the bowl away from her and gave her treats one by one. Well, that errupted "drama queen J." I laughed. Mommy L went and got J her own bowl with treats. She was doing fine until E's treat bowl came up empty. Where do you turn when you are out of treats? To the other bowl of course. More tears.
I figured it was time to pack up and leave. As we were all bundled up and ready to go J smiles at E and mommy L. Yes, that was her first smile all day.
We have a date next month at my house. I am a glutton for punishment.
bad mood, dude
Ever find yourself with an attitude that you cannot pinpoint where it came from? That is me today. I am a bitch. I am short with my co-workers. I just have attitude. I don't know where it came from. I slept well. I ate breakfast. Lacking in the coffee department, but that I can fix by a trip to *evil*Starbucks.
*sigh* Bad mood, dude.
bribery - it works every time.
J went to bed at 7:30 last night. Normal bedtime is 8. Hubby and I did the normal nighttime routine - plugged in the vicks nightlight (they ROCK!), turned on the cool mist humidifier, turned the radio to static, kissed J goodnight and wished her sweet dreams. Before hubby laid her down he whispered to her, "Sleep until 6 and you can have what ever you want."
She woke up at 4 AM. Close. Better than what we have gone through this week. J nursed and when back to bed.
I woke her up at 6:30 AM. She slept through my alarm in the next room buzzing for an hour.
She can sleep when she wants to and the bribe will now be a part of the nightly routine.
and you think you have it bad
I realize on my worst hair day or my worst fat day or my worst face day, I don't have it as bad as the little squirrel I saw frolicking in my yard this morning.
He had no tail. And I am sure it was a squirrel.
Personally, I don't like squirrels, but my heart goes out to this little guy. Winter is coming and it was damn cold this morning. There he is running through my yard, tail-less. Just a furry little stump where a full, glorious tail should be. I felt bad for the bugger, but a giggle did escape my lips.
damn cat
Dear B,
Please remove your purr before jumping into bed with mommy and daddy. It is really annoying to listen to you purr in my ear all night long. I understand that you are happy here in our home and that we make you feel safe, but the little sleep that I do get at night, I would like to be peaceful. And sound.
Thanks for your cooperation.
mommy
A Man & His meat - it is a Beautiful Thing.
I am packing up shop, getting ready to leave the office when I get a phone call from the hubby.
"There is a man here selling meat. Can we get some?," he asks.
Whoa. Backup to the part where you explain how that man got there and what kind of meat he is selling us. Hubby proceedes to tell me about this great deal on cases of meat. All flash frozen. All guarenteed for a year. Anything left over past the year mark will be exchanged for fresh stuff.
Okaaayyyyy.
He then goes into the prices. It comes down to steak at $2.16 per serving.
"And these are good size steaks, Steph."
Okkkaaaayyy. Of course hubby wants 2 cases of steaks. I ask for at least a case of chicken or pork or seafood. 104+ pieces of red meat is a bit much. I ask if we can talk about this.
"Nope. One time deal."
Okkkaaay. My head is starting to throb and I am getting weird looks from co-workers. I tell him to use his best judgement and decide on how much to buy. I hang up the phone (mind you, it is now 5:15 PM, traffic is going to be a bitch coming home and it is raining).
I open the door and hubby proudly shows me the 4 cases of meat he bought. A case of each - how could he possible decide?
I think this now trumps the "bacon incident."
Just a little bit of bling
I did it. I went and got my nose pierced.
It was a long time coming, really. I have always thought they were cute. The small, shiny bling in the nose - tastefully done of course - on women really looked nice to me. And I loved that nose rings could look so nice. So professional (if that really can be said). I talked about it for years. Mentioned only when a few adult beverages were consumed, then forgotten as quickly as they came. More and more it was weighing on my mind and I wanted one. A cute, little rhinestone in my left nostril. It wouldn't really alter who I am much, just add to my quirky-ness.
Hubby, being the always supportive guy that he is, didn't disapprove, but didn't approve either. Called it unnecessary. Duh. I, being the strong headed person that I am, ignored his comment. I asked for the cash, he handed it over, and off to the piercing place I went.
I picked up a girl-friend, S, and she wanted hers done, too. S is a recent addition to my little group of friends. A great addition indeed! Who else would hold a 20-something mommy's hand and stroke her thigh, while she watched as a strange, very pierced man, violated your friends nose by shoving a q-tip up there, followed by shoving a cold metal tube up there and then shoving a needle through the nostril, and then get hers done even
after seeing the process done? Not any of my long-time friends.
Hubby's reply the next morning - "It's not so bad." End of mention of nose ring since.
Now, the clientele I witnessed while waiting for the piercer to come back from break is an entirely different story.
She crawled!
OMG! J crawled. Or scooted, rather. Or did this funky thing where she had one leg extended straight behind her, on tippy-toes, bootie up in the air and swiftly dragged the other foot under her. She repeated the process. Got her to the remote she so desperately wanted and that is all that mattered. Remote = forbidden = I'll get it = happy J.J is now stuck in reverse. She moves backwards like a champ and I can see her (and hear her) get frustrated over not being able to go forward. Poor kid. She's smart - brilliant I like to think due to mommy's milk - she'll figure it out!
How come?
How come I decided to blog? I think it was a long time coming. I have lots to say and no one to say it to. The paper journal thing is so "teenie bopperish" for me. I am in front of the 'puter many times and day - so why not. I might not be interesting, but at least I am getting it all down in this nice font, right? I have no one that is "really" going through the whole marriage/kids thing. All my friends are newlyweds or on the dating/bar scene. I so did that like 5 years ago and am over it. So who do I turn to - you all reading out there in cyber space. My main concern - my family and my hubby. What are they going to think of my rantings on the web? What if my co-workers "discover" me and my space out here? I just can't worry about that too much. I can see my hubby getting weirded out by this the most. I am placing my thoughts and our family out there for any goofball to read. I also tend to run with scissors. Yes, people, I live on the edge!
